*** QUANTUM STATUS MONITOR v2.4.2 *** LAST UPDATED: 03.03.2025 *** CLASSIFIED SECURITY CLEARANCE LEVEL 4 REQUIRED *** QUANTUM UNCERTAINTY LEVEL: CRITICAL ***

QUANTUM STATUS CHECKER


SESSION ID: QM-47829-X
[ SYSTEM CALIBRATION IN PROGRESS ]
Cat Status: ALIVE

According to our proprietary quantum calculation algorithm, the Copenhagen wavefront has collapsed in a positive eigenstate (p=0.72), indicating a living feline presence within the designated uncertainty chamber. The Heisenberg compensators are functioning within normal parameters.

QUANTUM UNCERTAINTY METRICS

WAVEFUNCTION COLLAPSE PLANCK DEVIATION QUANTUM FOAM DENSITY ENTANGLEMENT FACTOR
17.3 Hz ±2.18×10^-38 487.2 mPm^3 92.7%
ψ(x,t) = A·sin[2π(x/λ - νt)] * √(ħ/mω) e^(-mωx²/2ħ) · Σ{n=0 → ∞} H_n(√(mω/ħ)x) e^(-iE_nt/ħ)/√(2^n·n!)

TECHNICAL ANALYSIS

The current quantum status is determined by measuring the interference pattern of positronic neutrino emissions from our specially designed containment field. By applying a reverse-tachyon beam through a non-linear quantum filter, we can ascertain the superposition state with 99.97% accuracy (±0.42% margin of error). The Bohm-interpretation quantum potential field is maintained via a series of superconducting magnets cooled to 0.005K using liquid helium-3.

TERMINAL: SECURE_QUANTUM_8842
LOCATION: [REDACTED]
QUANTUM ENTANGLEMENT LEVEL: MODERATE
WARNING: MULTIPLE OBSERVERS DETECTED - WAVE FUNCTION STABILITY COMPROMISED!
NOTICE: This quantum status is provided for authorized personnel only. In no event shall the Quantum Research Division or its affiliated institutes be held responsible for any temporal paradoxes, alternate reality divergences, or existential crises that may occur as a result of observing this quantum state. Remember: the act of observation changes the outcome! By accessing this terminal, you acknowledge that you may have inadvertently altered the fundamental nature of reality in ways that cannot be determined without additional quantum observations, which would further alter said reality, creating an infinite regression of quantum uncertainty. QUANTUM RESULTS MAY VARY. TIMELINE ALTERATIONS POSSIBLE. CONSULT QUANTUM SAFETY PROTOCOL QS-7734 BEFORE MAKING DECISIONS BASED ON THIS DATA.